


Leave A Scar: Rebirth/Reunion

by SpeakWhenItRains



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:12:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5055292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeakWhenItRains/pseuds/SpeakWhenItRains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate opening to 'Leave A Scar'. Much darker than the original, and contains a few light spoilers for the main work. Also includes a scene from Ed's 3rd person POV. (Preview: I didn't know what to do. I couldn't take away anyone's pain. Not theirs. Not my own... Rebuild. I told myself. Just rebuild.)</p><p>AO3 bonus: additional, incomplete chapters! Yay!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rebirth

**_A/N:_ ** _Shout out to "Human Qualities" by Explosions In the Sky for inspiring the tone of this piece. Really helped my muse <3 [Give it a listen, if you'd like!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqChTn4PNuA)_

* * *

 

I was going to go outside today.

I had made the decision as soon as I woke up. I had to go out. I had to try today.

My hand hovered above the doorknob until the lack of blood made my fingers numb.

I couldn't move. I could only stand there, torn between the past and the future. Whatever awaited me out there... It had to be better than here. I knew that. But I couldn't step forward. I couldn't leave this place.

Outside, a car drove by, the sound calm and enough to interrupt my focus. I looked up, staring at the door like I could see out into the street. But the peephole just stared back at me, and the memories came all at once.

I stumbled away, hand dropping back to my side before raising to my mouth.

I couldn't leave. I wasn't... I didn't know the word for it. I just  _couldn't_  leave.

But I felt the darkness reach out to me. The shadows beginning to crawl forward and try to trap me here again. Thoughts came, each one telling how I deserved to be here. Everything that happened was my fault...

Another car drove by, and I focused all of my attention on that. Distracting myself as my body moved, opening the door and letting my back fall against it when it shut behind me.

The morning air hit my skin, and I breathed it in. Cherishing the coolness.

I was out.

I was actually outside.

What do I do now?

I looked around, my stare only shifting below me for a moment before I caught sight of light flashing. Something round and silver trying to hide in the lavender bush next to me.

I bent down, still feeling surreal that I was actually outside.

My hand wrapped around the object, and I recognized the symbol on it. Our nation's symbol. A soft click came from beneath the emblem, and the sound kept repeating. So this was some kind of military watch.

Which meant it should be returned... To the capital... Central. Central City. The name nearly felt like it was from a different language. I could go, return the watch. I decided that was good. That was something of an adventure. An errand. A good way to start this.

I could do this. I repeated this phrase, feeling my lips move silently as I walked down the porch steps, taking caution not to fall.

My first step against the cobblestone pathway was louder than I thought it'd be. The bottom of my shoe slapping against the surface, ringing out a little. I froze for a moment, and then I didn't let the sound keep me still. I had a job to do.

I tucked the watch into my bag as I walked, making sure it was safe and protected inside an inner pocket.

Approaching a sidewalk corner, I stopped, waiting for another car to pass. I watched it speed towards me, and I felt my foot lift on its own. Taking the smallest steps forward, tapping against the sidewalk again, a bit closer to the edge, a little closer to the street.

As the car passed, the wheels ran over a puddle, drenching me in a wave of water. The chill stung; a feeling I hadn't experienced in a very long time. Not even when I showered; those were always hot enough to burn my skin. Let me watch the first degree burns heal over time.

I stepped out onto the street without looking. No cars came by, no horns blared at me. I reached the other side unharmed, and I felt a ghost of disappointment against my chest. But then I remembered the watch, and the job I had committed to. Selfish. I was being so selfish again.

I continued walking, trying hard to remember the path to the train station. I wondered how far away Central City was.

I got the map out of my bag, trying not to think of how he gave it to me... How we got it during our first "actual" trip together.

I ignored the feeling of my stomach trying to collapse in on itself, focusing on unfolding the map. I slipped my arm underneath to support the map and lay it flatter, my hand coming to turn towards the sky and my fingers coming to curl, gripping the top of the giant piece of paper. Keeping it steady. Keeping it straight.

I focused, my eyes sweeping over the dots marking different locations. I located Central City in the middle, and then trailed upwards to find Lautoxan. Only a few stops. I could do that.

I nodded to myself, and then the rain began to fall.

It came quickly, and I watched as the water hit the map. Soaking it. Pulling the edges down until I just had the wet paper draped over my arm. Sticking to my skin.

I peeled the paper off, careful not to tear it. This map was one of the few things of his I had left. One of the few pieces of evidence that he was here...

I looked up, staring at the sky and watching the rain continue to fall. Patter against my face, igniting a feeling of... Innocence, almost.

I could change myself.

This was a good time to do it.

Something made me lower the map a little bit, made me look up in front of myself. See that I was approaching the small, outdoor station. And I was approaching the two people standing there, waiting for the train like I was supposed to be.

The suit of armor caught my focus first. It was large, much larger than the person standing next to it. I found myself a little fearful of whoever was in that armor, but they were holding an umbrella, shielding them both from the rain. I suppose someone like that couldn't be too bad, but the fact that they were wearing something so strange...

Lightning flashed, and I focused on the second person as I got closer. Their hair was long enough to be braided down to their lower back, partially covering the Flamel insignia on their red coat, but the way they were standing told me they were male. There was a confidence there, and I found myself drawn to it.

Thunder echoed to us as I took the final step forward, looking up at the back of the other man's helmet. My own courage faltered, and I reached out to the suit instead.

"E-excuse me." My voice was horribly quiet; it nearly cracked out of my throat, not having been used for such a long time...

The man in the armor became shocked at my voice, and I felt his body rise up from underneath my fingertips. I saw the other guy turn towards him, a bit surprised himself.

I recoiled my hand, bringing it near my mouth. I was so worthless. I couldn't even say hello right...

I muttered out an apology, hearing the man in the armor sigh in relief. But... Not a man. Not exactly; the voice was much too light for him to be full-grown.

"Huh?" Another voice.

I turned, looking into golden eyes as they looked into my dark ones. Shock flashed into his features; I could see how his eyes widened just slightly, how his mouth dropped into the smallest of open frowns, how his hand rose an inch or two almost like he was ready to shield himself from something.

But that all faded, quickly swept away as he ducked his head, one gloved finger coming to scratch his hair as he laughed a little bit at himself.

"Sorry," he said. "Guess it's just been a long day."

He straightened, relaxing, and even though his face said late teens, I realized he was a little shorter than me. Those golden eyes softly met mine, an equally smooth voice sounding against the rain hitting the top of my head and ears.

"There something we can help you with?"

I could do this. I could talk to them. That strange little act of embarrassment he just did made it easier for me to smile.

"I'm looking for a way to Central." I said. I held up the map for them to see, the paper sagging with the water's weight. "My map got a little wet."

"Well, here." The golden eyes flicked up to the umbrella as he took a step back, making room for me to join them. "No use in getting even more soaked..."

Their kindness blossomed a light within me. I stepped forward, taking his offer and feeling the rain above me disappear. "Thank you," I smiled.

The large boy in the armored suit shifted his hand a little bit, making sure I was covered. I smiled up at him, seeing his eyes curve into a smile in return. That light inside me grew a bit brighter.

"If you're headed to Central," the boy in the armor exclaimed. "Then you're in luck! We're headed there now."

The second guy stretched out his lower back, and I realized there was a suitcase on the ground beside him.

"Well, as soon as this train gets here," he was saying. "Takes forever sometimes."

Memories came to mind; introductions. I could do this.

I raised a hand to the back of my hair, my face tinting pink as I grinned.

"I'm so sorry!" I said. "I completely forgot to introduce myself!"

But I couldn't say the word. My eyes opened and my lips parted. And I stayed silent while the shorter one spoke.

"You okay?" he asked, taking the smallest of steps towards me.

I forced myself not to step back. I could do this. I looked up at him, giving a nod and smile. He returned the gesture, a softer smile coming to his face as he held a hand out to me.

"I'm Ed."

I let myself sink into that warmth; the kindness. I raised my hand, feeling his fingers embrace my palm, and feeling myself do the same. At his grinning face, the briefest of memories triggered.

It... Couldn't be him.

"And I'm Alphonse!" the boy in the suit said, hooking a thumb to himself. "We're brothers!"

My hand was still in Edward's, trying to keep that warmth with me, when I looked between them both. I tried to piece everything together.

"Ed... Al... Brothers?"

Ed opened his eyes, grin faltering. "Y-yeah..." His expression grew focused, and I finally retrieved the memory.

I let go of Ed's hand, the side of my fingers curling against my lips as I smiled.

"You two wouldn't happen to be from Resembool, would you?"

Ed recognized me. He spoke my name, repeating it not once but twice. I shoved back everything that word brought me, and continued to smile. I listened as he continued speaking, shouting a little.

"From  _Resembool?!_ "

I giggled a little, amusement fluttering my stomach. "The very same!" I answered.

Alphonse looked down at his older sibling. "Do we know this person, brother?"

Ed grinned, his hand on one hip, weight leaned over to the side. "Yeah, we do, Al. She lived nearby when we were younger."

I nodded, caught up in memories again. The good kind.

"That's right!" I added. "I moved away after about a year, I think." One eye opened, letting me see Ed's confirming nod and allowing me to continue on. "My parents' decision, unfortunately! I would've stayed if I had the choice!"

 _Would we have ever met?_  I asked myself, shock freezing my thoughts, forcing me to think of him again.

I blinked, looking to Alphonse as he turned his head down.

"I'm sorry..." he said, and my name sounded so hollow in his mouth. "I don't remember you..."

I leaned forward, a horrible attempt to try and catch his focus. "No, Al, that's okay! It was so long ago, and we all look so different now!"

I grinned again and noticed Ed shifted a little, one hand raising to the back of his hair as he avoided my stare.

"You're telling me..."

I wanted to ask what that meant, but I didn't get a chance to. Or maybe I just wasn't brave enough to say anything...

"Hey, look!" Alphonse's voice. "The train!"

I turned around, seeing that there was indeed a train coming towards us, the bright light shining through even with the heavy curtain of rain. I realized I didn't have a ticket, and this thought made me stand in place as the train pulled up in front of me.

What a short-lived adventure.

I was surprised at my own joke, the shock keeping me from noticing the employee until he motioned with his outstretched hand. Curling his fingers once, then twice.

"Tickets."

"I... I believe I have some money here..." I quickly dug around in my bag, and as I retrieved my pouch, I saw Ed move in front of me. Politely putting half of himself between me and the employee.

"This should be enough, right?" he was saying.

"Y-yes," the employee responded. "Thank you!"

"Sure thing!" Ed stepped back, and I caught his grin as he looked to me. He motioned with his head. "Well, c'mon. You've got your ticket paid for."

I wanted to tell him he didn't have to pay. I really could've covered it myself. I wanted to, actually. But the sheer fact that he had done something so selfless rooted me to the spot.

I blinked, snapping out of my thoughts. Rebuild. I could rebuild myself. I blushed a little, thanking him quietly.

He grinned, turning away a little, hand scratching at the back of his braided hair.

"Yeah," he said with a small laugh. "Don't worry about it."

I moved to step onto the train, watching the employee step back and make room for me in the narrow walkway.

"Wait." Two of Ed's fingers captured my sweater, making me realize how drenched I still was from the rain. I allowed him to guide me back, hearing him tell Alphonse to pick us out a good seat.

The younger Elric nodded, agreeing happily as he transferred the umbrella to Ed and moved onto the train. His footsteps were loud, and I heard them echo for an extra moment in my mind.

"Uh, here." Ed offered the umbrella to me, a little embarrassed. "I'll need both hands to do this."

I wrapped my hand around the space above his, taking the umbrella from him. My mind briefly went to the fact I was helping, assisting both of us like this.

The sound of clapping brought my focus back to Ed. His eyes peered up, something like slyness in that gaze as he quietly grinned.

"Kind of an old trick I picked up," he began. "But it should dry you off just fine."

His hands reached out, and it took everything I had not to shrink away. His touch was warm against my shoulder, or at least half of it was. One hand... Seemed off.

The transmutation happened almost instantly, converting the water into steam. I watched the rain evaporate off of me, feeling warmer than I had in a long while. But I was much too interested in how he did that.

"You don't need a circle?" I asked, trying to get a look at his gloves. My mind ripped thoughts into me;  _how dare I be interested in this again?_

"Nope!" he responded, putting both fists on his hips. "Guess you could say I'm just that talented!"

I stifled my laughter behind my hand. He smiled, the expression soft as he held one hand out. I remembered the umbrella, and handed it back to him with another soft thank you.

He kept me covered as I stepped onto the train.

o

Conversation. I had to make conversation.

I looked over to Alphonse, who was sitting across from me. His eyes looked up, lights bright as they met my stare.

I gave the best grin I could.

"It's been a while since I've seen you, Alphonse! You've grown so much!"

That earned a small giggle. "Well, yeah, I guess I have, huh?"

Ed laughed quickly, leaning over to the side and banging on his brother's armor with the back of his fist. "What can we say? The guy's got an appetite, that's for sure!"

Alphonse smiled at me again, patting his big hands against his stomach. "Yep!" he said. "Just can't get enough of that food!"

I smiled a little more, and my focus swept to Edward.

"You've really changed, too."

This comment seemed to surprise him, and once more I thought I had said something wrong. But then he grinned so wide, a small amount of color touching his cheeks before he slumped down, running his finger against the base of his nose in embarrassment.

"Yeah, you think so?" he asked. "I mean, I  _have_  gotten taller since you've seen me last." For whatever reason, this just made him grin even more.

The smile was infectious, and it spread to my own lips in a wider grin. "I sure hope so!" I replied, laughing. "We were just kids then!"

Alphonse looked between us. "How old were we?"

I thought back, trying to weed through so many memories from different periods of my life. Moments that held my mind in place, forcing my eyes shut as I heard Ed give an absentminded reply.

"We were fairly young, Al," he said, his stare on me. I shut my eyes a bit more. "You were about three. Makes sense you wouldn't remember..."

I realized I had to speak. I opened my eyes again, reminding myself of the person I could be.

"That's right!" I said, and nostalgia carried my words. I looked down at my hand, needlessly counting on my fingers. "Ed was around four, which would've made me five."

"Yeah, I forgot about that." Ed sat up, back straightening like he was trying to make himself a little taller. "You were a year older than I was." I watched him grin, his head tilting to the side a bit. "You're a full-on adult now, aren't you?"

There was a bit of a tease in his voice, and I blushed for a moment. "Y-yeah. I'm eighteen now." Before they could go on any further, I moved the spotlight off of me.

"Speaking of growing up, why don't you take off your helmet, Alphonse?" I internally kicked myself at the question; how noisy could I be?! "I'd love to see what you look like now!"

Alphonse's eyes grew a bit smaller. "Uh. W-well—"

"He's shy," Ed answered for him. I looked over to see him eating something; a small roll of bread. There was a food cart in the aisle, an employee waiting on any other orders.

Ed met my stare, his chewing stopping for a moment before he swallowed. He smiled, motioning to the cart with the half-eaten roll in his hand.

"You want something to eat?"

I quickly shook my head, dismissing his offer. He didn't let it go, a soft worry coming to him.

"You sure?" he asked me.

I looked over to him, away from the food cart. I had to act like I was normal. I smiled.

"I'm fine!" I said, and went so far as to hold up a hand. "Really! I don't need anything to eat!"

My stomach said otherwise; I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten something. But maybe I just didn't want to think of being in that place again. Just didn't want to relive the pain of forcing myself to eat, feeling that sick ache in my stomach try and reject the food I didn't deserve to have. It never won, though. I always stayed nourished enough.

Ed was saying something to the employee, and I focused completely as she nodded and bent down to retrieve something from the bottom of the cart.

I finally registered his words, re-hearing what he said as my mind processed it.

_"I'd like your most expensive item."_

The employee stood, holding a bottle in both hands. Presenting it out to us.

"Here you are, sir. Would you like me to uncork it for you?"

Those golden eyes looked to me again, and they smiled. Matching the warm tone of his voice.

"You're legal, right?" he asked. "You drink?"

I shook my head. "N-no." I told him the truth. I just didn't say how long it had been since I'd had any alcohol. "Not frequently. Not like this..."

Ed grinned, turning to the employee again. "Great! We'll take it!"

"Very well, sir."

As the champagne's cork popped off, I watched Ed's hand go into the pocket of his coat, hand withdrawing a wallet and wrist flicking it open. My mind caught up, finally working again. I quickly leaned forward a bit, catching Ed's focus.

"Wait a minute, don't do this." I smiled, trying to correct myself. "Don't pay for me, I mean. I can cover it."

Ed made a sound, a small grin curving his mouth. "Nah," he replied. "Don't even worry about it." His focus turned to the employee, trading out more than enough money for the glass. "It's not every day you run into a childhood friend."

"But..." I watched the employee look down at the extra amount of money; easily a few hundred more than the drink costed. She looked up, glancing at Ed, who just toasted to her with the glass.

"Why, thank you very much!" she beamed, kicking one leg up as her hands found the handles of the cart.

"Yeah." Ed leaned over, offering me the glass. "Don't mention it!"

I quickly, awkwardly shifted seats until I was across from him, making it so he didn't have to reach as far. I twitched my mouth in a smile as he grinned a little more, and took the glass from him. I stared down at the liquid as I leaned back, watching the bubbles quickly rise to the surface and then disappear in a sudden pop. I quickly shook myself out of the reverie, and I felt a bit of heat come to my face as I looked up, seeing Ed's eyes curve in a smile again.

"Thank you very much for the champagne." I tried to mimic his little toast, sure I was doing a horrible job at it. "You really didn't have to."

Ed waved a hand, dismissing me again. "It's a celebration," he said. "That's what it's for, right?"

I nodded, and my mind became blank as I raised the rim of the glass to my lips. I did my best to focus on the taste, the texture, and everything but the memories wanting to come and drag me back.

I focused on what Ed had told me. He was right; this was a celebration. I was supposed to be celebrating. My future was now. Happening here.

And every moment spent here was another moment further away from there…

I allowed myself to relax, and I think Ed saw it in the way I smiled, tilting my head a little to the side.

"That was a very generous tip you gave her." The words came easily, sliding off my loosening tongue.

Ed shrugged, one gloved finger casually scratching the side of his reddening face as he looked away. "Ah, well, I figure the job must be a bit boring. I know it's a new system and all, but it can't be too exciting to walk around handing people food all day."

I covered my laugh behind my hand. I had to agree with him.

A thought occurred to me, and I looked behind myself, leaning over into the aisle to see passed the car's glass doors. Spotting the food cart again.

"Alphonse, you didn't get anything to eat..."

"Oh, I'm fine!" Al said, holding up a hand. "I had  _a lot_  of food on the way over here! Really!"

Ed nodded in agreement, finishing the last of his roll.

"Yeah," he said, flicking the crumbs off his fingers. "Seems like you never stop eating, Al, so it's a relief when you finally do!"

They shared a small laugh at this, and I could only bring myself to grin.

"So... Uh..." Alphonse was pushing his fingertips together, trying to think of something to say. "What've you been doing for all these years?" He seemed pleased with his question, and I couldn't help but grin.

"Well, I recently opened my own school," I told them, a genuine smile coming to me. A warmth that fought away the pain. "It's been getting popular lately, so I've been busying with that."

"What do you teach?"

I told them, focusing completely on how Ed gave a mischievous grin. He turned to his brother again, knocking lightly on his large arm.

"We know some martial arts ourselves, don't we, Al?"

Al nodded, seeming just as amused. "We do! Teacher taught us!"

My passion overtook my tongue, and I found myself asking what style they do. Ed's grin faltered, and he grew embarrassed again.

"It's a little bit of a toss up," he replied, both hands in front of himself. "There wasn't a lot of time to ask specifics before she started throwing punches."

I grinned, hiding my laugh again. "You really don't know?" I asked him.

He tried to grin, obviously a little uncomfortable at my prying. He scratched at the back of his head, looking away. "I should ask her next time we visit... That's probably an important question, isn't it?"

I smiled a little. "So what about you two?" I asked. "What've you been up to?"

Ed's smile dropped. Faltering for a moment as Al remained silent.

"Brother's a State Alchemist!" the younger Elric said suddenly.

I looked over at Edward, eyes a bit wide. "You are?"

Ed nodded. "Uh, yeah. I joined... A while back." His stare suddenly swept to his feet, a solemnness changing his voice. "Almost six years ago, actually."

"You got in really young..." I said.

He nodded, shifting to look away. Propping one elbow on the arm rest, resting his hand by his mouth. His legs remained crossed, an ankle supporting a knee. There was something about that look—the pose and the distant concentration in his gaze—that made me want to put it all down on paper. But I couldn't draw him. I knew my lines would be off, ruining reality with my horrible excuse for art.

His eyes shifted, catching my stare. I looked away, feeling heat rise to my face. From the corner of my eye, I noticed the smile on his face. A soft expression.

"Do you still draw?" he asked me. I blocked out the sound of my name, forcing myself away from the pain.

I looked up, hearing the question again in my mind. I quickly shook my head. "N-no," I said, then tried to grin. "Well, sometimes. I doodle on documents I shouldn't."

We shared a laugh at this, the three of us. I lowered my hand away from my lips as Al spoke, bringing my focus to his smiling eyes.

"I think I remember a bunch of transmutation circles outside our house," he said. "Were those from you?"

I glanced to Edward, seeing his knowing smile. I returned it.

"Yeah," I said, taking a sip of champagne. "I drew everywhere."

Ed laughed a little. "You'd always try and invent new ones, too. It's amazing that some serious rebounds didn't occur!"

I nodded, agreeing with him. I had definitely escaped some serious injuries...

I grew a little quiet, resolving that I had spoken enough. I sipped at my drink, trying to find comfort in living like this. Just on a train with some friends.

My reason for coming suddenly flashed into my brain.

I dug around in my bag with my free hand.

"I just remembered why I'm going to Central!" I tried to grin, tried to laugh at myself. But my chest screamed in agony. Neither of them noticed, interested in the watch as I held it out.

"I found this outside my home," I told them, and it hurt to refer to that place in a way so warm. "I figure you'd know what to do with it, Ed, since you're a State Alchemist and all."

He grinned a little, a small way of showing his flattery. He held out a hand, quietly asking for the watch.

I placed it in his palm, forcing myself to hand it to him normally. Not pick up the watch by the edge and place it in his grasp. Just take it and put it in his waiting palm, let my fingers spread out and away, running over the surface of his glove. The  _hard_  surface of his glove...

Ed was busy looking at the watch as I sat back, studying his hands for a moment. With a flick of the wrist, he popped the object open, the ticking growing a little louder. He studied the watch's face, golden eyes quickly sweeping and circling around the two sides before he closed the watch again.

"Nope," he said. "No engraving; I can't tell who this belongs to."

I blinked. "I didn't know it was standard practice to engrave it."

He looked to me, shrugging a little before reaching out to hand me back the watch. I put my hands up, dismissing the offer.

"You might as well keep it!" I said. "I might be seen as some sort of imposter if I keep it on me."

Ed blinked. "Oh." He turned to the pocket of his coat, slipping the watch inside. "Yeah, you're right. Nice thinking."

I smiled, trying to fight back my blush. My stare swept to Alphonse, exchanging a friendly smile before Ed caught my focus again. He shifted in his seat, getting a little more comfortable. Propping his temple with a half-formed fist. Sending me a bright smile.

"So how're you're parents doing?" he asked. "Still strict and nosy?"

I forced myself to twitch a smile. I knew exactly what he was referring to, remembering all those shouts they gave him whenever he ran around town causing trouble.

"They're good," I said, focusing on my champagne. "We don't talk very much, but they're good."

He nodded, seeming to accept the answer. I turned the question back to him.

"How's your mom been?"

I felt as if I had walked into a graveyard. I saw how Ed's eyes lost their light, I saw how Al's head lowered, and I immediately knew I had completely screwed up.

"I…" I tried to apologize, but the words wouldn't come.

"She passed away." Ed's voice came in a whisper, shaking slightly. His eyes closed, hiding that gold away from me. "She died when we were young."

I felt my mind become glass, cracking in the center like a broken window. Distorting my view of the world.

She... Couldn't be gone.

What had I been doing when she passed? What useless thing had I been wasting my time with?

I wanted to ask how long; how long had it been since she'd died? But I couldn't bring myself to speak. The sadness poured over in a sob, and I clapped my hand against my mouth to try and silence it.

Tears were already pouring, free-falling to the floor below. I shut my eyes, knowing I was close to breaking completely. I was dangerously close to unraveling, spilling open the wounds I had just stitched up. I couldn't let myself break.

Hands came to my shoulders. I looked up, mouth still shaking against my hand as Ed stayed down on his knees. He was looking right at me,  _right_  into my eyes, and I saw the pain inside them. I saw the hurt and the agony. And I saw the regret. That emotion was the strongest, welling in his eyes as tears that refused to break.

 _I'm sorry._  I wanted to voice this. I wanted to say it.

 _I'm so sorry._  I felt myself shake harder, unable to hold the pain inside my chest.

"I know..." Ed's voice was barely audible, and I watched him draw in a soft breath. Regaining himself, forcing himself away from his own edge. The hold on my shoulders tightened just a little bit. "We are, too."

My focus snapped to his right hand, and I felt the solidness. I felt how it wasn't as soft as his other hand; how his palm didn't curve around my shoulder like his other one.

Metal...

I watched his eyes close, head bowing down towards the floor. His voice came to me again, and I heard the pain breaking the sound of it.

"We tried to get her back," he said, his head shaking just a little bit. "We tried... And we couldn't do it..."

I could only stare, trying to suppress the jolts moving through my own body. I had to keep myself together; I couldn't keep sobbing like this in front of them. Not after we had  _just_  re-met...

I closed my eyes, curling my fingertips until my nails gently scraped into the skin of my cheek.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't take away anyone's pain. Not theirs. Not my own...

I could feel something else rising. A layer, a new wall. Wrapping around that pain and hurt and all of the regret.

 _Rebuild._  I told myself. Just rebuild.

And that's what I did.


	2. Reunion

**Reunion**

_Timeline:_ Chapter One: Rebirth

 _Rating_ :  _T_

Note: This small piece contains the main character's name. As far as her character arc goes, it's a spoiler. If that doesn't matter to you, then continue reading!

* * *

He turned around, and the clothes were the first thing to catch his focus. That outfit; a small black sweater open to reveal a white shirt, a matching dark skirt.

For a moment, for the  _briefest_  of seconds, Ed thought it was her. All the terror in the world came to crash into him, but then he saw the dark hair. The equally dark eyes, and the small pink lips.

It wasn't Winry.

He relaxed, deciding to play the shock off as embarrassment. Whoever this was would leave soon enough, and the diagnosis of insanity they had branded him with would be gone as well. He said something, made some excuse about today being a long day, which wasn't exactly a lie. Every day felt like a week, lately... Those weeks stretching into months, years... An endless rain pouring over both of them.

She held up a map, telling them her destination, and Ed realized how soaked she was from the rain. He took a step back, inviting her in as his eyes flicked to the top of the umbrella. Definitely big enough for the three of them.

Her reply was polite; a small thank you as Ed looked over her appearance again. Something... About her was familiar, and he focused a bit more on her face as she introduced herself.

Mirah.

The name triggered memories long forgotten. Buried deep within a mound of struggle and pain; deep within the ashes of their childhood home.

He couldn't believe it was actually her.

She laughed when he asked about it, the sound covered by her hand against her mouth. Ed immediately felt a soft tick of annoyance at this trait, but the way her eyes curved and the way she replied bloomed something else inside him. A warmth.

He let himself relax further, listening to Alphonse's question and replying with a casual explanation. Ed watched her smile again, feeling his own expand a little bit more.

She'd definitely changed since childhood. That chipperness was still there, but from the corner of his eye, Ed found his focus tracing the curves of her body. The outfit fit her well, accentuating the shallow dips of her waist and light curve of her hips. The length of her legs, even if half of them were covered by that skirt...

He focused completely on what she had been saying. Trying to figure out exactly how long she had lived in Resembool. And she had the timeline right; it had been just about a year before she moved away. He remembered the disappointment, and he remembered how strange it was that he couldn't gather the courage to at least say goodbye. A memory came back; staring down at the ground, scowling at the dirt while his mother said the farewells for them. He remembered feeling Mirah's stare on him, those dark eyes just focusing. Maybe wanting to say goodbye to him, too.

Al was saying something now, and with a flash of alarm—a jolt that could only come from wanting to protect family—Ed realized his brother's memory was skipping again.

Mirah comforted him before Ed could, but her words just made everything harder to deal with. Not only were they still like this... But she had no clue what they had become.

How much they'd changed.

_"It was such a long time ago, and we all look so different now!"_

"Different" was an understatement...

* * *

 **A/N:**  And our main character's name is revealed! Mirah is pronounced a little bit like "mirror" ( _Mear_ rah) and yes... It's basically an analogy of the "mirror" she can't look into--both physically and emotionally. Tee hee... I know that's a total contrast against FMA's usual European-based naming scheme, but I just can't help myself when it comes to an analogy C: 


	3. Central

My mind was trying to drag me back as I stepped off the train, officially standing on station's platform, taking in the busy air that could only be from Central.

I closed my eyes, trying to hide away in that scent. Trying to listen to the voices and the distant sounds of other trains leaving; the smoke quietly chugging from the train we had just left, the one waiting to take more people to their destinations. Wherever that might be. These distractions were momentary, and I just couldn't keep myself from thinking about what had happened.

I remembered how he got up from his knees shaking. Trembling, almost. I asked if he was okay, and he shook his head, dismissing the question.

 _"I'm fine."_ he'd said, sitting back down.  _"I'm fine..."_ He had enough strength to meet my eyes, and even more to smile again.  _"Everything's okay. It's_ — _just been a long day, is all."_

I didn't know what to say to that. My old self... She would've known what to do.

I focused on the small crowd in front of me. Nobody met my eyes. Nobody knew me here. They were perfectly content with each other, and I couldn't be happier.

"Look how big this place is!" I exclaimed, turning around with my arms open.

I saw Ed grinning at me from his place at the train's entrance way. Suitcase in hand, his other one inside a coat pocket.

"Well, it _is_ Central for a reason..." he said playfully.

I saw Alphonse step behind him, and his small voice brought Ed's focus away from me.

"We should get to Headquarters extra fast!"

"Ah, yeah." Ed turned back with a smile. "We gotta return that watch you found."

I nodded.

 **A/N** : the rest would be relatively the same, since our MC is having enough "new" experiences (meeting new people like Armstrong and Hughes) for her to not be so internally focused, and work on building her new walls :)


	4. Coming Home

"Well, here we are!"

When I arrived at the front gate, I stopped walking. I ignored Ed's announcement, feeling my walls begin to slip. I had just built them. I had just recovered... And now this place was dragging me back again.

I kept my knuckles pressed to my mouth.  _Build,_ I told myself. Just keep building.

I locked the pain away. Keeping it back. Keeping myself separate.

"Are you okay?" Al asked.

My eyes opened. Both of them were staring at me, and Ed's face was expressing the light concern that his brother's couldn't. I swallowed down the last of the fear—or I tried to, anyway. It shot right back up, squeezing my airways again. Contorting my lungs.

_You're not smart enough to use that word._

I shifted my gaze away from them both, but I was forced to look up again as Al said something. Asking me where I found the watch. I still had my knuckles against my mouth, still continued to hide from them, cover myself from them. I moved one finger, tilting my hand away. Pointing to the lavender bush beside the porch.

"Over there." My voice came out more stable than I expected it to.

Al said something else, some quiet words spoken to his brother. Ed replied just as quietly, and I heard Al's steps start off in the direction I had pointed him to. Another pair of feet sounded; quietly crunching against the grass, just taking one step. Then another one.

"Hey."

I forced myself to look up. But I didn't meet Ed's stare for long. That look of worry was enough to make my head bow, hand coming to shield my eyes, resting against my forehead almost like a salute.

"I'm okay." I told him quietly.

He didn't respond. He probably didn't know what to say. Eventually, I heard his feet move; I heard his boot slide back, and then he left. I'd forced him away.

What else was new?

This thought nearly broke me. I was already on the edge again, just being here was enough. I didn't want to be here... I had just gotten out, and now it was dragging me back.

Would they leave me here? I deserved it.

I wouldn't blame them if they did.

I heard Ed's voice over the loud sound of bushes rustling.

"Nope," he stretched the word out. "I'm not seeing anything, Al. We should check out some other place."

I heard Al's armor shift, his head turning towards me. I forced my eyes to close a little bit more. He wasn't saying anything, wasn't protesting about how they had just started looking, or how they hadn't even checked around the back or inside...

I wouldn't be able to go into those rooms again. I knew I couldn't...

But it was where I belonged, right?

I heard his helmet shift again; a nod. An agreement.

"Uh, yeah." he said. "Sure!"

I heard Ed's footsteps along the grass again, the taps they made as they crossed the cobblestone pathway. His feet were drawing nearer, and I found myself shrinking forwards, trying to curl away from him.

I had to be stronger than this.

I couldn't let them see me so broken.

I felt his fingertips capture the shoulder of my sweater again. Lightly tugging. Lightly pulling for a moment as he passed by. I felt the message in that motion.

_Come with us._

I didn't know where he wanted to go, but I didn't want to stay here.

So I turned, I opened my eyes and I stepped out onto the sidewalk again. I watched him for a moment, hands in his pockets, back straight. Confident. I found myself moving a few steps behind him, back straight as well. My focus was on the white picket fence passing us, and I knew I should be on the other side of it. Stuck in that house again. Where I deserved to be.

Al spoke again, both his voice and his footsteps echoing behind me.

"Do you think someone who remember seeing a State Alchemist here?"

Ed nodded, moving his hands out of his pockets, interlocking them behind his head. "Yep, that's what I'm thinkin'. Figure it that watch was used at all, someone around here would remember seeing it."

Smart. Smart thinking. I wanted to be like that. I looked over, seeing my neighbor's house as we passed the corner of my picket fence.

"Should we ask them?" Alphonse said, talking about the neighboring home.

"Doesn't look like they're home," Ed responded, his head turning away a little bit. "We'll try again later."

I looked into the window. I could see figures moving behind the curtain; silhouettes. One sitting at an armchair, the other moving away with a tray.

I knew he was avoiding this house. I knew he was doing it for me, trying to get us far away from that place. Far as possible.

_Come with us._

There was a warmth in those words. I felt that glow again, breaking through the pain. It was easier to breathe, now that we were two houses away from mine. When we approached the porch to another home, Alphonse stopped beside the front lawn. I stopped with him, realizing my place in all of this.

From his place in front of the door, Ed turned around, noticing we weren't there with him. He didn't seem to mind Al hanging back, but he smiled, curling a finger towards me.

"What're you doing standing there?" he asked. "You're a part of this, too."

I was... I _was_ , wasn't I? I felt my heart flutter, my stomach becoming excited enough to give a small flip. A grin moved to my face, and he stepped to the side a little bit, smiling as well. Allowing me room to stand next to him.

"Ring the doorbell," he told me gently.

"Okay." I replied. I could do that.

I pressed my finger against the small button, holding it for an extra moment as we heard the sound echo inside. I let go, dropping my hand away, ashamed to feel something like accomplishment. I still kept the small smile on my face, my heart flipping as the door opened.

Slippered feet shuffled a bit more towards us, wrinkled hands rising to adjust glasses. The frames caught the sunlight, and I recognized her face instantly.

"Hello?" Ms. Silva asked, her voice creaking out of her mouth.

"Hi," Ed began, and the soft smile in his voice made me lose focus for a moment. Trapping me in a state of warmth, of comfort. A chain shifted, and I saw he held out a pocket watch. His own; the chain attached to the belt loop of his pants. "I'm a State Alchemist, and I'm conducting a investigation of a crime that happened nearby. I was wondering if you have any time to answer a few questions."

"Oh..." Ms. Silva blinked at the watch. She shook her head. "I'm sorry; it's just been so long since I've seen one of those."

This seemed to catch Ed's interest. "R-really? When's the last time you saw one?"

"Oh, many years back." She adjusted her glasses again, giving a sigh. "My husband was in the military, you know... He passed on almost three years ago..."

"He worked for the State..." Ed paraphrased, sliding his watch back into his pocket. "I'm sorry."

The widow shook her head. "I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help to you, young man."

"It's alright." Ed tried to smile, sliding one foot back. His hands returned to his pockets. "Well, thanks for your time, then."

Ms. Silva nodded, and as she turned to step back and close the door, her gaze went to me. Finally noticing I was there, I suppose. Those crinkly eyes went wide.

I was praying for her not to recognize me, but she did. The sound of my name felt like a knife to my chest. And it came not once, but twice.

"Is that really you, dear?" she continued on. "My, it's been  _ages_  since I've seen you! I figured you and that nice young man had moved out by now! How've you been?"

I forced myself to smile, to put on a happy face. I faked the enthusiasm, and found that I was perfectly good at it. I held my hands in front of my skirt, clasping them together as I swayed a little.

"I've been good!" I could lie, too. "I've just been busy lately. That's all."

Ms. Silva nodded, seeming a little stern. "Well, don't be a stranger anymore, dear. Please come by and visit soon!"

I nodded, keeping the smile. "I will!"

Goodbyes were exchanged between her and Ed, and when the door closed, the Alchemist asked me no questions. He only spun around on his heels, hands still in his pockets. And he walked by me, mouth moving and speaking three words.

"Let's keep going."

They were quiet. Almost as quiet as the pull he gave my sweater. But it was another message, and after he had taken the front porch steps in one stride, I took them one at a time. Tip-toeing. Carefully. Always so careful.

"How'd it go?" Al's eyes curved in a smile, happily waiting for good news.

"Nothin' yet," Ed replied, shaking his head. He stopped a few feet away from his brother, and I stopped beside him. Figuring, actually figuring that he'd want me there. Selfish again. Putting myself in places where I didn't belong.

"But someone's gotta remember seeing a watch like that somewhere." Ed continued, and then he turned to me. Beaming a grin. "What'dya say," and he said my name again. I tried to smile at the sound of it. "You ready to go bug the crap out of your neighbors?"

He even laughed a little at his own joke, and I found myself laughing behind my hand at this trait. He was strange, for sure, but I supposed I wasn't exactly normal.

Reply. I could do that.

I gave him my best smile. The one the new me usually wore.

"Sure!" I replied. "Let's do it!"

He seemed pleased with that answer, and Al nodded with him in unison. I was helping. I was a part of this.

We didn't get any leads for the next few houses. Few people recognized me, and for that I was thankful. But maybe I was cursing this mission. This assignment given to them.

But it was given to me, too, wasn't it?

A question my old self would've asked. The new me didn't seem to care. I watched as Ed held out his watch for the fifth time, continuing on with the same speech as before.

But when he got to the introduction of being a State Alchemist, he was stopped.

"AUGH." The man even threw his head back in disgust. "Not another one!"

Ed blinked, and I shifted my gaze between the person in front of us and the watch.

"What do you mean 'another one'?" Ed asked.

The man took a step back, still holding onto the door. "Look, I already gave your military buddy all the damn peanuts I had."

_Peanuts?_

Ed echoed my thought loudly, seeming more confused than I looked. The door began to shut, but he stepped forward, putting his foot in between the frame and the door's edge. Keeping it from closing.

Brave. I wanted to be brave, too.

"Wait," he was saying, much calmer now. "Do you remember what this guy looked like, or why he needed those... peanuts?"

The door opened again, and Ed stepped back as the man gave a drawn out sigh. His upper body bending forward, arms hanging loosely. His head picked itself up, eyes closing as he whined in a low voice.

"I don't know... Long coat, small glasses. I just remember he wouldn't  _shut up_  about needing all this stuff. He left with my bleach, too!"

"Your bleach?" Ed repeated, seeming to be trying to figure this out already. He looked up, eyes still focused. Serious. "And you have no clue where he went or why he needed this? He didn't say anything about it?"

"No!" the man shouted, holding the doorknob from the other side again. "Now go ask the next house, you  _dog!_ "

The door slammed hard enough to shake the wall it was connected to. Ed didn't seem to mind, and he spun around again with a grin.

"Well, looks like we got ourselves a lead!"

Alphonse glanced to the door as we approached him. "I just hope the next person we ask is a little more friendly..."

"Who cares!" Ed retrieved the broken watch from his coat pocket, tossing it up and catching it with a grin. "We got an idea of who we're lookin' for, so from here on out it's a total cake walk!"


End file.
